i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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