One girl and one boy is just not enough.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
