it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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