dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
