Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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