glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
