We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
porn star boner night. come get it.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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