you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
