I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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