He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail