That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
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Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
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There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.