I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.