my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it