my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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