i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis