the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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