the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
