this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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