Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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