6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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