we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
