her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
