Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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