Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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