You're so nebulous sometimes
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
