You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
