There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
