Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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