im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize