I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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