my being single is dangerous.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize