i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
