So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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