well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
