I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Randomize
