Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
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While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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