Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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