Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
