My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
