Im at strip club and am horny
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
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