She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
