the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
