You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
