Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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