just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
