he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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