I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
