He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
