Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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