Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
