SEEEEXXX PLEASE
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
