I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
