Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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