i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
