I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
