I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
