My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize