it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
