Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
