so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
