I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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