My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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