so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
