He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
