last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
