ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
