hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
