piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
