who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
