I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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