i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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