what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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