my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
