Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
